“I had entered a cult and did not know it. I doubted for a really long time if I should write this… because I am still a bit ashamed. But on the other hand, if my story can inform and warn people so that they do not have to make the same mistake as I did, maybe it is worth it…
I was blessed to experience true love and I am still very grateful for that… even though it only lasted three months. He died in my arms from a heart attack. I tried to learn lessons out of that experience and convinced myself I was fine… That was probably the first wrong step I made: not wanting to see my pain, and running away from it.
Sometime later I met this young boy, but already so wise! I was intrigued and, in the end, of course, I fell in love with him. He told me he had travelled the world with this ascended master.
He would always say to me that I did not really love him, that I did not even know what real love was. Love, he said, did not judge, did not have preferences or longings.
That was about the time he broke off all contact with me, saying I had become too attached to him….
That hurt a lot.
I learned from these events a lot of things so unlike the other experiences I had lived before… I was “caught in the middle” of two realities, not knowing what was real and what was an illusion. Then, it all became very intense… I’m not going into details. But I finally realized that I was always searching for the ‘truths’ outside of myself instead of looking within, which made me dependent on others and therefore vulnerable.
I decided to leave. My teachers had always warned me that, if I would do so, I was surely going to be trapped in a spiral of negativity… But they were wrong! I am doing really fine! Richer with these new experiences and all the new insights, I am now fully energised.
My goal has changed too. To reach enlightenment to save the world is no longer my goal.
I just want to live life and enjoy it as much as possible, being the best as I can possibly be, as aware as I can be and loving every aspect of myself in the process.“